Today (Monday) was an exceedingly sad day — I had to preach a funeral of a member who was of great encouragement to me. While I feel the immense privilege of preaching a funeral and being able to minister at such a critical time, I find that there are some lessons that I have learned in regards to preaching a funeral sermon.
First, spend time with the family of the deceased. There is no substitute for this. It’s not enough to simply preach a sermon during this occasion. There is pastoral work to be done. Be there at least by the day after the family members’ death — after the funeral arrangements have been made and other personal issues are in order. Go to where they are and just sit and listen. Some would say, “I don’t want to intrude on family time.” To that I say, if had the choice of erring on the side of a personal presence or no, I would err by risking intrusion. You will be able to tell in about 15 seconds if it is a bad time — but they will appreciate the gesture and may well give you a better time to come by. And when you do, be prepared to listen, to inquire, to go through pictures, read letters, hear wonderful stories. But most of all, be prepared to be the Lord’s presence to them at that time. Since you are a minister, you are an ambassador for Christ — and even the most pagan individual will see you as such (and may not understand why).
Second, when you preach keep it short — 12-15 minutes top — unless the family asks you otherwise. Yes, the family asked you as the minister to do the funeral — but this time is not about you or your sermonic skills or for you to take pride that the family asked you to preach at such a life-altering occasion. You are there to represent Christ and to give his Word — but take care. The family is emotionally, spiritually and in all likelihood physically drained. And listening takes energy. An economy of words would suit everyone well here.
Three, share the Gospel without fail. Yes, address the reason why you all are gathered in that place. Yes, eulogize and recall some fond memories. Yes, address the family and send your condolences on behalf of yourself and the church you serve. But shame on any minister of the Gospel who does not share the Gospel to people who are most open to hearing about this. Some would object and say, “This is manipulation! You shouldn’t take advantage of people in that state.” But death is what the majority of people are most afraid of, and the finality and mortality of this age is clearly front and center. And, as was the case with this individual’s funeral I did on Monday, this person dealt with some severe medical issues and remained resolute, the family and friends looking on need to know why. So tell them the Gospel of Jesus Christ and give them the encouragement that the Apostle Paul gave in 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18:
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. [14] For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. [15] For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. [16] For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. [17] Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. [18] Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Fourthly, be the last one to leave. If you end with a graveside service, stay until everyone else is gone. Don’t say, “Amen!” then run to the car. Stay with the family until they leave. Walk out with the last family member if possible. Be the Lord’s ambassador right until the end. If there is a meal afterwards for the family and they invite you to stay and partake, stay and partake. Some very pastoral and teachable moments happen on such occasions that would not happen at any other time. So take advantage of the opportunities God brings your way.
Lastly, touch base with the family one week after the funeral. By now you may be saying, “Matt, I thought this was about preaching a funeral.” Yes, and by you showing that you care outside the pulpit, you will give more credence to what was said in the pulpit. There is something to be said for living a sermon, not just preaching one.
Those are my tips. What about you? Any tips come across your mind?
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Thanks for these!
Thanks for the emphasis on a brief sermon at funerals. I would also emphasize simplicity and the “core values” of Gospel assurance.
I concur. I preached a funeral last week (Saturday) too. It was for my aunt so it held special stead in my heart. I was refreshed to see your exhortations here as i followed those details very closely but always wondering it it enough? Should I say more? Your words are comforting.
I think many can and will benefit from your simple outline here.
Press on!
Good stuff. Thanks!
Any particular format you use or favorite Scripture passages or other readings?
My brother Elder James Miller the third died on Feb 28, 2008. He was found dead in his apartment. He had a heart attack on his way to the bathroom the way it looked. His funeral was preached by people who barely knew him. The repast was so far out that those of us who don’t have cars couldn’t make it. His wife of 55 years was given all the praise and glory. They did not mention my brother’s name but twice and that was once by his second son and once by his son’s pastor.
The family have been in that church for fifty years, James left there about fifteen years ago when he and his wife split up (yet he spend weekends and holidays at home with them). At some point he back slide but before he died he repented. God said He forgives all sins, all in all his wife said that the son they had that is an alcoholic stand a better chance to getting in heaven. How is it that I can not find this in the scriptures? If it’s there then I have been preaching a false doctrine. 1 John 1:9
My brother was seventy four years old. This is the first time I have ever been to a funeral and no one was asked to say anything but the ministers (mind you visiting ministers)and the first lady. His son Glenn was appointed to speak for the family. The church was packed. There are eleven of us left. My brother and I being ministers was not acknowledged at all, while the First lady spoke of Mother F. Miller and how well she had trained her children. I stand to be corrected maybe/ possible, but I did not hear anything about my brother other than he was the father of ten children and how loyal and devoted they all are with a fern mother. I thought the eulogy was to be about the deceased.
This is the fourth funeral I have been to that have done this. What about those that flew in from out of town and the siblings of the deceased. I can only hope to be spoken of half as well as my sister in law for she is a wonderful person and they truly did a great job on the children.
James was found on a Monday and buried on that Friday. Half of my relatives didn’t get to come because of the short notice and given the wrong date. Their reservations was for that Friday night due to information given that everything would take place on that Saturday. Had I not called my nephew I would have missed the funeral also.
My relatives all asked me did I pay any attention to what was going on. All I could say is the truth yes we all paid it attention. We all came prepared to speak on our brothers behalf but wasn’t given the chance instead people that got up and said “It is a pleasure to be here today and to be asked to speak at this outstanding homegoing”; “Now I understand why so and so is such a respectable upstanding young man and woman”; When I first met Mother F. Miller I had never been in a house where you could eat off her floors with so many children in the house”. It went on and on like this until the ending. We all waited for a word about our brother but received none.
No matter what was said we left empty as far as hearing anything positive or negative about our brother No one got angry and said anything, but so many of us was disappointed. It would have been nice to have my children and grand children to know what a wonderful person their uncle was.
My daughter did a documentation in college with him a few years ago, maybe I can make copies and give my siblings for their children to see and hear him for their self. Should I also send his wife/family one?
Blessings unto you,
Rev. C. Whitehead
Thank you. This has been very helpful.